


do you regret it?

by princesstrxsh



Series: Twitter Requests [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cuties, Fluff, Hugs, M/M, oisuga, soft, we stan oisuga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 17:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19178068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesstrxsh/pseuds/princesstrxsh
Summary: for @peachy_nilin on twitter!Doubts between lovers in a world filled with specified soulmates.





	do you regret it?

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:  
> Peer Pressure, Anxiety, Running Away, Swearing, Mentions of Abuse, Low Self Esteem, Self Doubt
> 
> not sure if these are triggers, but just to be on the safe side!
> 
> italics are flashbacks!

“Do you regret it?” A soft voice asked him, ridden with stress and exhaustion. He turned to face his lover, his own tired eyes glimmering with only a faint light of hope. The bags under his weary eyes seemed to make him ten years older than the young high school student he actually was. The droopy eyes contrasting with the once bright and youthful boy he was just a few months prior.  
  
He pondered for a moment - _did he regret it?_ Did he regret his decision to leave his hometown, his friends, his teammates, his family, his _life_ behind? He thought of his family. His once sweet and caring family that attended to his every need, that shaped who he was today, that gave him life and a place in the world. The same family, that destroyed him.  
  
_“You lost_ again _?” His father scowled down at him, his arms crossed against his chest as his stance shifted from a relaxed to aggravated. His posture had straightened, his tone becoming flatter with a tinge of disappointment and sorrow. He had failed the expectations set for him time and time again, his hand tightly gripping his volleyball bag as he glared at the ground, tears threatening to fall with each syllable that left his father’s mouth. He didn’t have it in him to look up, to see his father’s tired and dissatisfied facade._  
  
_“I swear…” he heard his father mutter, his legs stiffening as he attempted to anticipate what his father would say. Which insult - which flaw - would he pull to attack his pride, his ego, the remains of his confidence? Would it be his lack of natural talent? How those around him are so much better than him in his court? How he’s so unstable and unreliable that the team collapses with him as their pillar?_  
  
_“If it wasn’t bad enough that you lack athletic talent, you also can’t live up to societies basic expectations - just having a soulmate. You were born a mistake!” His father’s tone escalated through the spiel, his frustrations coming to light as he unfolded his arms, raising one as if to strike his own son. And he would’ve, if his mother hadn’t intervened._  
  
_“Honey…” he had hoped that his mother would talk some sense into his father - striking his own son?! He had never believed in a million years that his own father would even physically harm him. He turned to his mother hopefully. “Don’t strike such a mistake, his handsome looks are the only thing that’s appreciated.”_  
  
_The tears fell._  
  
“Do _you_?” He echoed back after a moment of silence. His dark eyes remained trained on his lovers face. If he was having doubts now, he wouldn’t force him to stay here with him - with such an imperfect and _mistake_ of a being in the society where soulmate marks defined your equality.  
  
His lover stared back. _Did he have regrets?_ He had never truly reflected on the rather rash decisions - running away from all he had ever known, stealing from his parents, defying all of the morals he had learned and set for himself. And yet, he didn’t feel an ounce of guilt or regret in his decisions. As impetuous as the choice may have seemed, it was the only choice he _could_ have made. He was left with no other option, no other way of escape or refuge from the constant stares of society, judging his every action and move.  
  
_“How was your date?” His mother inquired, a soft grin adorning her already rather flattering features. She set down the book she was reading, her hands resting on her lap just on top of the book she had previously closed. He slid off his shoes. Not even a welcome home, how was your day, just how was your_ date _. Because all that mattered to his family, was how he and his_ soulmate _got along._  
  
_“It was great, Mom,” he answered with a fake cheer attached to it, the smallest grin seen on his face barely even reaching his eyes. The date went horribly. They always did. Neither of them had anything interesting to talk about, not after they were put into this relationship._  
  
_It wasn’t as if his lover was doing anything to intentionally harm him, rather, it seemed as if the affection between them was forced. They were best friends, teammates, people they could turn to - not lovers. And it felt so wrong to the both of them, but their parents pushed and continued pushing, telling them it was normal and that they were in love - I mean, they were soulmates after all; they had to be in love, right?_  
  
_But at this point, he couldn’t take it anymore._  
  
_By the time he made it home, he knew he had made up his mind. Escape this, escape the pressure, the fake smiles, the routine and monotonous lifestyle that seems to have been forced upon him. Escape the imperfectly perfect life he had been bestowed._  
  
_His phone went off._  
  
_It was a message from Oikawa Tooru._  
  
“I could never,” Sugawara softly replied, raising his eyes to face his partner. His chocolate brown eyes slowly softened, relief spreading across his stressed features as they seemed to become a few years younger by his words. Sugawara raised a hand to his lovers features, resting it on his pale cheek as he gently tugged Oikawa closer to himself.  
  
“Neither could I,” Oikawa confirmed as he leaned into Sugawara’s hand. He placed his slightly larger hand over his. Sugawara could easily feel how calloused his hand was, clinging onto that feeling. In that moment, their worries faded away. Their stress and exhaustion melted into nothingness as they relished in the other’s embrace.  
  
Moments passed before they relinquished their hold. Neither wanted to, but to reflect was to forget, and it needed to be done.  
  
“...You don’t think I’m a mistake, do you?” Tooru’s voice cracked in the middle of his question. Sugawara could barely hear him, he sounded so meek and fragile, so _vulnerable_ , as if anything he said or did could shatter the strong exterior he held. Tooru lifted his head slowly, his hand now resting on Sugawara’s wrist rather limply as he gazed into his hazel eyes. “Do you?” He echoed once more.  
  
“Never in a million years would I think that, Tooru,” Sugawara confirmed firmly, his hands moving to grasp his tightly. He lifted Tooru’s hand to his lips, gently kissing it as he sighed softly. Tooru believed him, even when Koushi’s soulmate mark stared back at him, as if mocking him that this wasn’t his true soulmate, that he was born without one and should be alone: an outcast.  
  
It was a simple mark, elegant and beautiful, one of a feather that stretched from the base of his hand to the middle of his forearm. A mark that would forever remind Tooru that Koushi was not truly his in society, but his in reality.  
  
Koushi opened his eyes, following Tooru’s gaze as his lips tugged downward into a frown. He instinctively moved to raise his sleeve but paused and instead lowered it, allowing the mark to become more visible to anyone who dared to gaze upon it.  
  
Koushi inhaled slowly, taking a moment to assess and assemble his thoughts properly. He closed his eyes, thinking about the soulmate he left behind. Sawamura Daichi, a friend, a teammate, but not his soulmate. Not a lover. Not a significant other.  
  
His significant other, his lover, his _true_ soulmate, was sitting right in front of him.  
  
He opened his eyes.

“I’d never regret escaping my past to be with my future.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was a lot longer on docs skfjkf


End file.
